Too Soon To Recall

Total Recall. We all loved it, and I, for one, feel better that I have it sitting in my collection. How we loved Verhoeven's displays of bulging faces when in contact with Mars' uninhabitable atmosphere, Arnie shouting "EEEEYOWARR" in a chair, Michael Ironside losing his arms after forgetting how to travel in elevators, and as above, alien women with three titties.

"Ha.Ha.Ha. You dink dis is dur REEL Quaid? Id is" BRAKKA BRAKKA BRAKKA. Legendary.

The film's still fresh in our minds and our hearts, especially as it's on at least one channel a week. So, we ask the question:

WHY ARE COLUMBIA PICTURES PLANNING TO REMAKE THIS?

Someone seems to think it's a genius of an idea, such as producer Neil H Moritz, head of a company called Original Films. Yeah, I'm rolling around with the irony too. He's pitched for the remake platter, claiming that a more faithful interpretation of Philip K Dick's short story on which it is based upon, We Can Remember It For You Wholesale would benefit with today's film making technologies.

I think it's way too soon to even begin about contemplating this. The film's great as it is, in all of it's sci fi cheesiness. We've grown accustomed to all of it's typical Arnie one liners, gratuitious Paul Verhoeven bloodshed and still some great special effects. How exactly can you improve a woman with three beubs anyway? And besides, there's plenty of other sci fi writers out there other than Phillip K Dicks, you know...

Never Ever Ever Ending Story

In their continuation of their latest obsession to rape the child hood memories of adults in their late twenties and early thirties, Hollywood have announced they are remaking The Never Ending Story.

Now in fairness the, admittedly awesome movie, doesn't really follow the original novel too closely (and is only the first part of the aforementioned book, the rest was made up through the weak ass sequels) so there's a chance this may be one of those decent remakes (I can't think of any off of the top of my head). We'll see...

However without the eighties awesomness of Limahl the idea does worry me slightly... okay I'm terrified of change godammit!

Click for singing funz

The "Buzz" About Green

The Green Hornet movie has been talked about since even before Watchmen tin lunchboxes were conceived. It's had a fair few people attached to it, Kevin Smith was approached, but pulled out, then the current golden boy of Hollywood comedy, Seth Rogen has been talked about getting involved, with starring and script duties. Stephen Chow of Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer fame is also tagged to this, previously on to direct but looking more so to fill Bruce Lee's shoes as butt kicking sidekick, Kato.

Today, Variety have published a new stirring pot for discussion. It's apparent new director. You know him of late for Be Kind Rewind. That man is Michel Gondry. And that's all I have to go on! So far every site has just printed two sentences on this news, and nothing else. Speculation or reality? We'll find out when someone writes a paragraph.

Slow news day

So Jon Favreau has confirmed Emily Blunt will not be playing Black Widow. Not really news worthy I know but it's an excuse to show Dushku in a cat suit. Dang.

Live Blammo Oscars Blog!

DISCLAIMER: Expect bad spelling and bad grammar in the following. Also large amounts of alcohol were consumed so this may come across as rather cryptic. Sorry.

So I'm already annoyed.
Next Winkleman and Gok are doing the 'expert commentating' so I'm even more annoyed. Whatever happened to the wonderful days of Barry Norman at 2am, drunk as a Wogan, falling asleep in his comfy, dimly lit room?
Anyway I'm going to post away all night til I'm too drunk to stay awake any longer so expect soem really brilliant posts that will then be deleted the next morning before my agent reads them and fires me.
Sponsored by Moet. Damn I love that stuff.
Heh - aparently Mickey Rourke has refused to sign on to Iron Man 2 until after this evening. Bloody good work there sir.
Oooow pretty!
Oh Wolverine made a racist joke about New Zealand. Funniez!
Heh Wolverine is singing! This is fun! I actually prefer this 20 dollar version that the Billy Crystal 20 million dollar versions!
Okay first nomination is up. After the energy of Jackman this is rather boring.

Best Supporting Actress
Ah cool Penelope Cruz gets the first award meaning the BLAMMO is up one point in teh oscar sweep stake!
Nice lil speech with a bit of swearing at Jade Goody in Spanish at the end (I assume).

Best Original Screenplay
Tina Fay and Steve Martin up for presenting... with the latter being funny for the first time since Bowfinger. Is Tina Fey that great? It would seem so. Yes.
Anyway - C'mon 'In Bruges'!
Bah - MILK wins. Over the top over stereotypical American speech.

Best Adapted Screenplay.
Tina Fey is secseee. Probably The Reader will win here or Slumdog. Yup Slumdog. It's hard to remember that this was almost a straight to video film. Nice to see a Brit up there, or at very least a man not talking about God. Good short speech, straight to the point.

Best Animated Feature
Jack Black is awesome and Jennifer Anniston is not very funny. Cheeky little cut to Angelina Jolie to please the gossip pages. If WallE doesn't win here then the whole thing is a sad joke. It's stupid that it wasn't a Best Picture nomination.
YES! Wall E gets it. Nice little speech.

Best Animated Short
Nice little banter between the old lady and JD. Oh sorry wasn't paying attention. Japanese guy won - awesoem short speech.
SKY TV showing how rubbish it is again with Danny Wallace being the only person's opinion I care about there.

Best Art Design.
It's James Bond and... his horse?
This has to be Dark Knight.
Benjamin Button? Godamn you Oscars. It's amazing looking but Dark Knight is astounding. Bah. I suspect this traversty had something to do with the horse.
Generic thank you speech by one guy then awkward silence then music came in at the start of the second guy's.

Best Costume Design
James Bond seems to be having trouble with the autocue. Maybe Dutchess or Australia. Yeah The Dutchess. Pretty dresses and all that.
Very nervous speech from another Brit.
I'm really liking this theatrical set design.

OKay my stream froze so I missed Benjamin Button win Best Make up - contreversial choice as that was enhanced with CGI.
Now the teenage vampire guy and a hot blonde chick seem to be presenting a showreel of romantic scenes from movies. Bring back Wolverine!
Oh Christ more SKY TV crap. BRING BACK BARRY NORMAN - this old woman is appaling.

Best Cinematography
Ben Stiller and Nathalie Portman. Stiller is wearing a silly beard. Fuunnnnnny. Nathalie looks beautiful. Dark Knight? Nope - Slumdog. Is Dark Knight even going to get the supporting actor for Heath? Another Brit but dull speech.
Back to SKY TV studios and for some reason they're saying how good Jenifer Anniston was. Oh yay - Jessica Beale. Mmmm. Sci Tech awards recap. Okayyyyy. Oh no not back to the studio
Pinapple Express guys skit on the nominated movies. Seth Rogen has lost a shit load of weight! It's quite a sweet way of showcasing the movies really. "They made me do it Spielberg" - nice line for what is a stale old joke.

Best Live Action Short
Heheh nice presentation and the win goes to SPGHGKHGKHGgeleund (sic). Charming German guy who really seemed delighted.
Uh oh advert break... does this mean more SKY TV people? Oh god here we go. Oh thank God - we're back with Wolverine. It's another musical number! And Beyonce has joined him as they go through a medley of musical numbers. Heh yeah this is fun - shame the sound balance isn't perfect. Loving the way the music seems to keep cutting to the Dr Evil theme before each advert break. I bet Sean Penn doesn't like what Wolverine has doen to his award ceremony!

Best Supporting Actor
Several super star ex winners come out and do a better job than the ladies did earlier. Heh Cuba jnr lightly taking the piss out of Downey Jnr for taking the roles of 'brothers' by doing it so well in black face.There will be Boos if Ledger doesn't get this. And it goes to... Heath Ledger. Ah top stuff. Ledger's family accept in his place. Brad Pitt looks like he's about to cry. So does everyone actually. Oh - Nolan looks liek he's keeping it together! Yeah nice speech.
A little showreel on how film making has changed in late. Nice enough but hardly inspiring.

Best Documentary
Some critically acclaimed ones in this category but I suspect Man on Wire will get it. Yes! Hahahah amusing speeches. Another win for the Brits (and a lunatic French man). Oh yeah great stuff- the Frenchie is doing magic tricks and balancing the statue on his head - this will displease a certain Milk actor!

Best Short Docu
Wow that seemed to happen very quickly. Smile Pinky wins. Sorry I have no idea about this one. Very excitable speech about the plights of whatever her docu was about.

Damn frozen again. Well atleast I don't have to hear the commentry from the SKY TV folk again. Seriosuly next time guys get Mark Kermode in or that crazy tashed guy who writes for Empire. At any rate find someone who has soem connection with film please!
Right freeze is over! Seem to be in the middle of a montage of action sequences!
Batman Begins music plays and Will Smith has turned up - that makes little sense but okay!

Best Visual Effects
I suspect BB will get this but it seems kinda unfair now considering it was awarded Best Make Up. Yeah BB. Ah well they really were incredible in this movie. Generic speech but nice enough.

Best Sound Editing.
I think Dark Knight will finally get a non Heath Ledger award for this. Yay!!!! About time too. The sound effects really are amazing in The Dark Knight and... oh yeah every one's seen it so anything I say here is redundant. Aww a big smile from Nolan when mentioned in teh speech.

Best Sound Mixing
Another Dark Knight possibility here? Could go to Slumdog though. Yup, I haven't seen it but I find it very hard to believe that Slumdog's sound mixing could bas as great as some of the nominees... how about Wall E?! Ah well really lovely speech. Hehhe you could see the other guys trying to move towards the microphone before the time run out!

Best Editing
Will Smith presenting and is still being charming. Oscar goes to... Slumdog Millionaire. Wow this little movie really has done well. I'm yet to see it but it really is amazing that it's pummelled the likes of Benjamin Button and The Dark Knight in the award count. Hooray U.K! Danny Boyle hasn't stopped grinning over the last three hours.

Okay back to the studio. Stupid old bat doesn't reckon Heath Ledger should have got the award. Danny disagrees. Even the feeling in the room seems to be that she's a twat. They all seem very fed up with her company.
Eddie Murphy is here to give an award to Jerry Lewis. He hasn't made any jokes and is just reading from the teleprompt. Bad form Eddie - you could have joined the surprise humour train that Steve Martin was riding! Standing ovation for a man that looks old enough to be a Republican presidential candidate. Jerry is reading from the prompter too which is a shame. Nice short speech though.

Wolverine's back briefly to introduce the Oscars conductor who is leading the orchestra into samples from the nominated movies. Sounds amazing.

Best Original Score
All wonderful scores so no idea who'll get it. The winner is... Slumdog Millionaire! Hhehe cheeky little Indian guy gives charming speech.
Okay fatigue kicking in now but all the singing and dancing seemed lovely.

Best Song
The Oscar goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Another nice short speech by the composer.

Best Actor.
Again ex winners come to present. Great predigree though featuing Dougless, Kinglsey, Deniro, Hopkins and Brody. Come on Rourke! Any of these actors can win though... it's gonna be tight. And the oscar goes to.... Sean Penn. Bah. BAH. GTFO Oscar Decent enough speech though with the obvious political message. Kudos to Penn for the kind words to Rourke.

Best Picture
Oh cool Spielberg. He's never very good at this kind of thing. Ah good - keep it short. Montage rolls of the nominations juxtaposed against previous winners. And the Oscar for Best Picture 2009 goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Though a bookies fave, a small indie film in nature and theme so, as well as it being a Uk movie, I'm very pleased for it. Good work guys! Standard if decent enough speech - now I want more Wolverine singing and dancing!
Oh balls - we're back in the studio. Better feeling in the studio no - even Stephanie Beacham seems to have been injected with some joy (though she had already stated she didn't want Ledger or Winslet to win so must feel slightluy defeated - ha!).

Ah well great evening and I loved the cheap, more intimate version of The Oscars. A cup of tea then bed methinks! Good night all!

Results (quoted from IMDB):

Best Motion Picture of the Year

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire (2008) - Christian Colson

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

Winner: Sean Penn for Milk (2008/I)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

Winner: Kate Winslet for The Reader (2008)

Best Achievement in Directing

Winner: Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year

Winner: Okuribito (2008)(Japan)

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire (2008) - A.R. Rahman, Sampooran Singh Gulzar("Jai Ho")

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire (2008) - A.R. Rahman

Best Achievement in Editing

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire (2008) - Chris Dickens

Best Achievement in Sound

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire (2008) - Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke, Resul Pookutty

Best Achievement in Sound Editing

Winner: The Dark Knight (2008) - Richard King

Best Achievement in Visual Effects

Winner: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) - Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron

Best Documentary, Short Subjects

Winner: Smile Pinki (2008) - Megan Mylan

Best Documentary, Features

Winner: Man on Wire (2008) - James Marsh, Simon Chinn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

Winner: Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight (2008)

Best Short Film, Live Action

Winner: Spielzeugland (2007) - Jochen Alexander Freydank

Best Achievement in Cinematography

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire (2008) - Anthony Dod Mantle

Best Achievement in Makeup

Winner: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) - Greg Cannom

Best Achievement in Costume Design

Winner: The Duchess (2008) - Michael O'Connor

Best Achievement in Art Direction

Winner: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) - Donald Graham Burt, Victor J. Zolfo

Best Short Film, Animated

Winner: Maison en petits cubes, La (2008) - Kunio Katô

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year

Winner: WALL·E (2008) - Andrew Stanton

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire (2008) - Simon Beaufoy

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen

Winner: Milk (2008/I) - Dustin Lance Black

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

Winner: Penélope Cruz for Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

Pre Oscar Blammo!

Well here in the UK it's only the real hardcore that sit up watching the Oscars on a potentially illegal Internet stream that they found earlier after heavy Google searching. I kinda don't care so much this year as I feel Oscar has really shown it's detachment from sense by the shunning of The Dark Knight from the Best pic category and Chris 'God' Nolan from the directing one... but we here at Blammo back anything to do with either Nolan's epic sequel or Arronfsky's The Wrestler so fingers crossed.

Here's the Blammo predictions for what will win though:

Best Film - Slumdog Millionaire
Best Director - David Fincher
Best Actor - Mickey Rourke (if there is a god)
Best Actress - Kate Winslet
Best Supp Actor - Heath Ledger
Best Supp Actress - Penelope Cruz
Best Cinematog. - The Dark Knight
Best Original Screenplay - In Bruges (if anyone hasn't seen this yet I really recommend you do)
Best Adapted Screenplay- Slumdog Millionaire
Best Foreign Film - Waltz With Bashir
Best Score - Benjamin Button
Best Song -Slumdog Millionaire
Best Animated Feature - Wall-E

Let's see how we do!

Punisher: War Zone

Here we are now, faced with attempt number three of transforming the pages of The Punisher to the big screen. After Dolph Lundgren's disastrous first outing in 1989, followed by Thomas Jane's 2004 interpretation (which for the record, I actually liked), Marvel have deemed it ideal to once again try to actually get it right. Do they? Sigh...

War Zone will not disappoint you if all you want to watch is non-stop violence that comes thick and fast, you want people's skulls punched in, you want to see horrific torture, and you want to see more blood than six watchings of Hostel. To it's credit, a lot of the action scenes were cleverly executed, yet some were just a tad on the unecessary side. But you don't care about that do you, let's watch shit go BOOM!

Those, however, who are looking for a bit more depth...well you guessed right, you won't get it here. Then, The Punisher wasn't always about depth was it? Let it be said that the script touches on the right waves, but doesn't make the most of it. As I went through this, and being a fan of Punisher comics, I felt like it was put together by someone flicking through Wikipedia and saying "Yeah! That's cool! Put that in there!" Oh, such promise could've been had with the inclusion of Microchip aiding The Punisher, Jigsaw being the main villain and the inclusion of the Punisher Task Force. As a nerd, I was rather excited.

I feel let down. Jigsaw seemed to be more of a comic relief than a psychopath. Shades of Pacino's role as Big Boy Caprice in Dick Tracy sprung to mind. If they'd spent more time flushing out the character of Jigsaw, we'd have a formidable match up indeed. Saying that, Ray Stevenson as the Punisher seemed odd to me. I can't put my finger on it at all, as I was watching, it didn't seem like I was watching the Punisher, but just a rather tall guy in some combat gear kicking and machine gunning the shit out of people. I also found that like her role in Rambo, Julie Benz, as beautiful as she is, doesn't get to do much than cry or be emo, and Colin Salmon definately struggles with the American accent.

So is it satisfying? I can't tell, to be honest. Although the script is dire and some of the acting is wooden, those aren't the reasons you watch a film like this. You only need to watch it if you're a fan of action movies and are keen on some cinematic spilling of guts. Although Lexi Alexander has hit some of the right notes in translating some elements of the Punisher Max books into the film, she's proved that despite being a lovely lady with kickboxing skills, she can step up to make a man's man of a movie. If she got given another stab at the character, then let's hope she can get a script worthy of Garth Ennis himself, as that would be the truest Punisher film we'd ever see. Maybe we should just acknoweldge this as a step in the right direction for now and be happy with it.

Two and a half fisted-skulls-on-a-door out of five

Inglourious Postarz

Just a quick one as I'm stupidly busy with work but here's some awesome new posters for Inglourious Basterds (wowz my spell check really hates this name) that DVS found earlier today!

Here's a link to all three: CLICK ME

Something Else To Do With Watchmen

Good day. Whilst discovering new things for NBoN today, I happened to stumble across this which I'd never seen before, and thought that you peeps garnering such arousal for Watchmen need to see this. It won't make you feel totally satisfied as "One Night In Silk Spectre" would (now there's an idea...), but it'll have a go.



UPDATE: This seems to change daily, so you best remember to pop by every day until release!

Mexican or Mexican't?

Okay lots of fantastic news this morning!

First Aint it Cool reported the official commencement of NerveRackers, the latest movie by Robert Rodriguez. n the usual "blah blah I know this celebrity personally blah blah" crap that Harry Knowles puts in all his columns you can just about make out that this will be a sci fi film noir, supposedly akin to Bladerunner. I think. Anyway that's cool right?

The other news is regarding THE GREATEST MOVIE NOT YET MADE (tm): The Expendables. Now this is the latest awesome idea by Sylvestor Stallone telling the story of a group of bad ass mercenaries hired to overthrow a south American dictator. Sounds cool already yeah? But wait - you haven't heard the cool bit! The Expendables stars Sly himself, Arnold Shwarzenegger, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Jason Stathom, Ben Kinglsey, Dolph Lundgren and many, many more.

And the news today from Latinoreview.com is that BLAMMO favourite Danny Trejo has joined the cast.

Can this film get any better? I really don't think it can!

The Running Asgardian

Right, who is this guy? Any ideas? No? CORRECT! I don't know either, but let us introduce you to James Preston Rogers. JPR (as we'll call him for the sake of saving keystrokes) is a contender in the running for the role of the God of Thunder in Kenneth Branagh's version of Thor. This man's competition appears to be Brad Pitt, Gerard Butler and Viggo Mortensen. You know how the saying goes, root for the underdog and all that...

So who is he again? Unknown to practically everyone, JPR is Canadian, he's an unknown actor, he's a former wrestler, and he's near enough a giant amongst men. We think this chap has the size and the looks of the Thunder God down to a tee, and we strongly think that casting JPR would be a good move.

Standing at 6 foot 6 inches tall, having the sculpted physique a Masters Of The Universe action figure would die for, and owning his own long blonde hair says to me that he pretty much fills all the criteria needed to portray Thor. Rumour has it that he can act too. Therefore this is the way forward, as for a licence like this, fans won't want to see the "name" actors here, and would rather see how the character is portrayed on screen. It worked for a few guys like Mark Hammill, Hugh Jackman, Tobey Maguire, non? So, here at Blammo hereby decree that JPR is our new friend, and we'd like him to be Thor very, very muchly.

Cue video.

Same-sex Blood Drinker Murderers

Here we go again, with a British effort thrusting it's pelvis in the face of all those who loved Shaun Of The Dead, with the current cream of the crop in British comedy double acts headlining. Ant and Dec had their turn with the yawnsome Alien Autopsy, and let's be fair, you'd have to be truly amazing to knock Frost & Pegg off their thrones.

Lesbian Vampire Killers is gunning for "Most Simplistic & Stupidest Sounding Name Of The Year" and it stars the duo of Matthew Horne and James Corden. If you have no idea who these two are, then you may have survived the Gavin & Stacey onslaught that every boyfriend/husband/fuckbuddy around the United Kingdom has been forced to endure recently. Note: as truly nice and down to earth Corden can be, he is partially responsible for "Oh, what's occurin'?" That's it, give in to your anger....

Anyway, the new trailer's hit the interwebs, and I will admit it's looking like just the kind of stupidity I'd enjoy. Also, there's plenty of hot girls. SOLD.

Fallen robots now online

Who wants explosions! Who wants high-octane action delivered by appearance changing vehicles! Who wants more Shia LeBeef!

I don't want anymore of that last one to be honest with you, but today, all fans of Cybertronians can get excited as Michael "My Explosions Are Bigger Than Yours" Bay delivers the trailer to the second instalment of Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. Prepare to see such a grand spectacle of boomage. Let us also note, that I am rather fond of the noises in this trailer. Weird, I am. Weird.

Trailer!

Speed Racer Review

I refused to watch this in the cinema simply because, after the genius of Bound and the original Matrix, the Wachowskis repeatedly rubbed my face in the crap that were The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions. I can't really explain the depth of my hatred for these two films but believe me you could easily hide a a lost Greek city in it. Anyway by the time the trailer was released I was ready to hate this movie and the ridiculous trailer made it all the easier to do so.

So what is Speed Racer? Well it's a live action movie version of an old 60s anime based on a family called the Racers. Pops Racer builds race cars, eldest son Rex Racer races race cars and middle son Speed Racer obsesses over racing. However when Rex dies in a car crash Speed steps up to the plate and, years later, proves to be every bit as naturally talented as his dead brother. This excellence attracts evil corporate boss Mr Royalton who wants to buy up Team Racer to destroy it but then a mysterious masked racer (Racer X) turns up and all becomes a lil more complex.

Man this is a crazy movie. It's basically like a twelve year old boy's perfect film. It has cars that have boosters and buttons that make your vehicle fly and somersault. It has ninjas and cool mysterious costumed anti heroes. It has ludicrous Japanese pop music and the kind of visuals that will burn your eyes out that fly at you at break neck speed. It's the equivelent of living Wipeout.

However as ridiculous as it is Speed Racer also tends to be overly complex with its story telling. What is actually a very straight forward hero's tale is complicated through excessive exposition, non linear flash backs and those anime narrative techniques that involve the comic relief characters (the youngest son and his pet chimp) doing annoying things at otherwise important plot turns.

Regardless I couldn't help but enjoy Speed Racer. It really grabs that pre pubescent fantasy and runs with it (at over 300 miles per hour). I actually wish I'd seen the iMax version too as the visuals are truly insane. If you love computer games, Japanese pop culture and very fast cars doing loops and futuristic Ben Hur antics then this is the film for you.

4 out of 5

New Wolverine trailer

Latinoreview.com have a new trailer for Wolverine: Origins on their site.

Now I know this is going to really divide opinion here but it's clear that the movie is going to be reasonably faithful to the graphic novel of the same name released by Marvel back in 2001. I remember before I read it I really didn't want to know Wolverine's past as the mystery is such a large part of the character's charm. However as it was bought for me as a gift I couldn't not read it and I, ultimately thoroughly enjoyed it.

**SPOILERS**However there's a few changes I don't think I like already from what I can see of the trailer. For one the direct indication that the boy is Logan (whilst in the comic you suspect Dog is thanks to the likeness of his father and Dog's attitude contrasted with the boy's meekness) and also the comradeship shown between him and Dog.**END SPOILERS**

Otherwise it looks ace and I rather hope this will be a return to the quality of the Bryan Singer works, whilst simultaneously washing the bad taste of Brett Ratner's X3 away.
Link to Latinreview Article and Trailer

New Iron Man news!

The last few days have offered more Iron Man casting news for the character of Black Widow. First we expected Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada, Charlie Wilson's War) but she had to cancel due to scheduling conflicts. Then came talk that Eliza Dushku (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back) was chasing the role but, sadly, nothing came of that. Now it seems that Scarlett Johansson (Lost in Translation, The Count's Wedding Video) is in serious contention to play the Russian, cat suited super spy.

Now I love Johansson as much as the next man (in fact I'll kill the next man to prove my love) but is she really the right choice here? The character of Black Widow includes a background in ballet, heart break and then serious honey trap style espionage for the Soviets. Scarlett tends to look lovely and mumble a lot. I have a lot of faith in director Jon Favreau but can't help but feel there are a lot of eastern European (or even Russian) actresses that could do this part very well and if it's the star pull that attracted the studio to Scarlett then how about Olga Kurylenko from that rather weak, yet extremely successful recent James Bond film?

What do you folk think?

Tales of The Black Freighter

Whilst we've started putting cool new movie news up here I thought you may be interested in a UK trailer for one of the sub plots from the great, soon to be ruined (okay that's harsh but I still think the book is un-filmable) The Watchmen.

Apparently this is to be included as a DVD extra and, in fairness, it looks great. I just wish they'd decided on doing a mini series (the only way to get all of the book's storylines in) or simply chose to leave Alan Moore's work the fuck alone.

Link to Trailer

Blood: The Last Vampyre teaser trailer

Okay BLAMMO is a review site and not a place to come for cool new news (that's what the New Breed of Nerd is for) but as DVS isn't about, and this really is awesome news for movie nerds, I give you the trailer for the live action feature of BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPYRE.

Link to Youtube

The Fall

The Fall is the second feature movie by Tarsem Singh and like his first (The Cell starring Jennifer Lopez and, in a serious role, Vince Vaughan) it is incredible looking. Now when I say incredible looking I mean this is the kind of film that you buy on the newest digital medium simply to showcase it. This is the Scarlett Johanson of visuals. The Aston Martin Vanquish. The art design and cinematic framing is simply like nothing else out there from the Western world (the closest I can think of is the stunning Ying Xiong) and, according to IMDB, all locations were, shockingly, real and not sets (this I'm not certain about but it's genuinely stunning either way).

The story follows a little girl (Catinca Untaru) as she is told a story by injured stuntman Roy Walker (Lee Pace) within a hospital. This gives Singh the excuse to play out the story as a fairy tale and he really goes for it. The characters are amazing, they look brilliant and the events unfold in a magnificent Arabian Nights style. However we soon realise in the real world Catinca is actually being decieved and the story is just to trick her to steal morphine for Roy.

For two acts The Fall is simply wonderful. It, as mentioned earlier, looks wonderful and the performances are fantastic (the chemistry between the two main characters is excellent). However the brilliance of the story segments begin to take their toll on the movie and it ultimately becomes imbalanced. About two thirds into the film I started to become frustrated with the 'real' events and simply wanted the film to return to the 'story' section. More characters were introduced to explain the behaviour of Lee Pace's character but never fully explored to the point they just come across as filler.

This is such a shame as what could have been a Princess Bride is unfortunatly more of a Baron Munchausen. Beautiful touches like the old man's secret word and the way the little girl interprets the concept of an Indian compared to how the stuntman does (as somebody from India instead of the intended native American) add up to some magnificent moments but the complete package just fails to reach the dizzying heights it initially promises. Kinda like The Cell then really...

3 out of 5

Zombie Strippers

It's with ideas as this that I'm sure someone, somewhere is a fly on the wall, listening into my drunken conversations on what would work in a movie. As a prime icon of masculinity, and knowing how much I'm a sucker for cheap, low budget horrors, it's rather obvious that I would have paired zombies with hot, nubile young ladies removing their clothes to make a delightful on screen partnership. Yet the end result is still up in the air as to whether I should be shaking someone by the hand for making my dreams come true, or suing the arse off someone for stealing my ideas and invading my privacy.

What do you expect to see from a film with the most descriptive title of it's content
ever? Let's see, Zombie is in the title....so maybe we should be looking for some kind of chemical virus that's accidentally been released? Check. We should be looking for an infected carrier who happens to stumble upon our main cast and spreads the infection with one mere bite? Check. Strippers? Check. More so, Jenna Jameson and most of her adult film making co stars.

If you're looking for an intricate plot line with twists and turns aplenty, then please, watch something else. The turns here are only those of a zombie nature as all the pretty girls become flesh eating undead (with a spot of rational thought. Oh yes, more undead out-of-whack ideas), led by Robert Englund, who reckons he could cash in on this new venture of zombie stripping for his loyal punters. The effects are superbly carried off, satisfying anyone who craves the crimson claret galore in their horror watching. Guaranteed, blood will spurt, just like some of the girls in the movie, from every possible orifice.

Sadly, as expected, the plot, as daft as it is, is overshadowed by some really awful one liners, the likes of which that probably haven't seen the light of day since Nightmare On Elm Street V: The Dream Child. It'd be worth it just to interrogate Englund and asking him if they were actual throwaways from that script, as they sound just as dated. It does have it's moments where you can chuckle, we'll put that down to it's overall cheese though.

One to watch? Yes, if you're intending on having a group of friends over to discuss movie ideas whilst completely inebriated. On your own, use once then destroy.

Two and a half silicone implants out of five.

Day of the Dead 2: Contagium

Okay maybe not the greatest way to start a movie review blog but hell - it can only get better from here. I offer you Day of the Dead II: Contagium.

Now, though a proper movie nerd, I'm not one of those zombie movie fanatics. Yeah I dug Night and Dawn of the Dead but I thought the third and fourth films sucked arse. In fact the only other zombie movies I've ever even liked were Shaun of the Dead and that Dawn of the Dead remake so I'm neither over passionate for the genre in a positive way or, to that point, overly passionate negatively. To paraphrase Miles Davis - I like good movies regardless of the genre. However, maybe beacuse of what I do, I have a weakness for low budget flicks as I like to see how they overcome the shortcomings of their wallet and do what they can to entertain me. For this reason I'm actually rather a big fan of the Zone Horror channel features and often find myself choosing a B Movie over a full blown Hollywood affair being shown on anotehr channel.

This whole introduction, however, is to show you that I'm happy to watch utter trash in the name of entertainment but didn't help Dawn of the Dead II in any way from just being shit.

In fact to describe this film as shit does feces a terrible injustice. Dawn of the Dead II is apparently a prequal of sorts to the original Romero movies... however it doesn't actually do any real explaining of why there are zombies and why they seem to be speaking Russian. Oh and why they also seem to be infected through fairies. Yeah you know fairies like the types that sneak about the bottom of the garden. Yeah I was really confused too.

What DoD2 does right is introduce characters to us and give us the time to know them before turning them into the dead. What it does wrong is it spends too much time with these badly written, badly directed characters so that we simply don't give a fuck by the time the fairies get them. Yeah fairies. Actually to state that as the one thing it does wrong, again, is just totally unfair on any other production ever made. DotD2 looks shit. It sounds shit. It is shit.

And then when you're about to forgive it some what for its miniscule budget you look it up and discover the budget was around the nine million dollars mark. Yup $9,000,000. That's more than the original Terminator cost, more than Desperado and nine times more than Reservoir Dogs.

In short - fuck you Day of the Dead II: Contagium. Yes I think you deserve to die and I hope you burn in hell.

Zero out of Five.

Blammo Begins...

Welcome, one and all, to Blammo!

So what's this all about then? Well, to any average internet user, it's really nothing new. It's a movie review dump site, it's a platform for avid movie goers such as ourselves to vent their opinions, it's a haven for things we need to get off our chests. To us, it's Babylon.

We watch a myriad of films constantly, some of which we really enjoy, some of which we excrutiatingly suffer with. What's on offer for you, the reader, are simple opinions of our adventures. Nothing more, nothing less.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll hurl. Commence the wordgasms!