Pandorum - Trailer

Two things that make me worry about this sci-fi film that's on it's way. The first is it's "brought to you by the producers of Resident Evil". That's chilling enough. The second is Dennis Quaid. Sorry, but after the pain that was The Day After Tomorrow, I find I struggle to watch Inner Space now. Almost similar to liking bananas, being violently sick after eating some and then blaming them for the rest of your life for making you violently sick, even though they probably didn't.

One main thing that makes me excited for this sci-fi film that's on it's way. It look's absolutely fucking AMAZING. I don't even want to read about it. I'd like to be pleasantly surprised as a film like this hasn't really been seen well since Event Horizon, and that made me all doughy eyed like I'd been staring at Elizabeth Banks all day. In fact, I'm going to watch this trailer, then stare at Elizabeth Banks all day. Adieu.

Iron Sky

In 1944 a group of nazis escaped to the dark side of the moon... now they're coming back!

IRON SKY was announced on our sister blog over at NBoN (link on side of page) a good year or so ago but word is a trailer has just been released... so I got all excited and started to type up this article. However after some serious googling it seems I was mistaken but atleast it gives us anotehr chance to talk about what has to be a BLAMMO tastic experience when the completed movie is released in 2010!

Website

Without a damned clue

I don't want to sound like a stuck record but I hated this idea from the moment I heard of its conception. I love Sherlock Holmes. The stories I loved, the Basil Rathbone films I loved and, especially, the Jermey Brett ITV televsion series (which pretty much got it exactly right).

This however sounded awful from the start. Guy Ritchie directing? Oh heck. Robert Downey Jnr as Holmes? I love him, he's great, he's totally wrong. It's not that I mind people messing with the old stories at all (I loved the comedy version of Without a Clue starring Michael Caine and Sir Ben Kingsley) it's just I think I'm still a little hurt from the messing up of other classics that have occured of late (Lucas and Spielberg I'm looking straight at you).

If nothing else this does give me the the opportunity to tell a joke:

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go camping together and wake up beneath a beautiful blanket of stars.

Sherlock asks "What does this tell you, old friend?"

"Well", says Watson, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe". Pleased with himself he pauses and turns his head "Why do you ask? What does it tell you Holmes, old chap?"

Holmes turns towards his old friend and answers "Some fucker's stolen our tent."

Anyway here's the trailer so you can see yourself if you think this is more Casino Royale or Johnny English:

Proof of Cinematic Hard Times

Originality is clearly dead in at least 90% of movieland, studios want to concentrate on killing your nostalgic childhood dreams, rebooting franchises less than eight years old, adapting any old comic book series that three or more executives have read for ten seconds and in some cases, murdering them (hello Spirit), and sequelling and prequelling the bejeezus out of anything. Yet there is always a vast awareness to pick up the next potential franchise or moneyspinner that will make a considerable profit in these cash strapped times. Obviously, the winning answer right now is:

MAKE A FILM BASED ON POPULAR BOARD GAME, BATTLESHIP.

Fuck off now. Seriously.

My Name Is Thor

Well, over the weekend (and annoyingly during Eurovision I might add!), the man who landed the job as Marvel's God of Thunder in Branagh's upcoming interpretation is none other than Chris Hemsworth!

Who?

Having not seen Star Trek yet, this guy apparently played Kirk's father in the opening scene, which must mean by first impressions that teenage pregnancies are running riot in the future. He was also in Australian daytime tv cackpot eyecandy soap, Home & Away. Eek. Let's not knock that hard Aussie soap past though, it worked for Heath Ledger, Guy Pearce, Isla Fisher and errr...Craig McLachlan (Hey Mona is the greatest song of all time)! Whatever happened to those Neighbours twins anyway, they gave me filthy thoughts after school.

Anyway, if anyone knows what they're doing, it's Branagh and Marvel EIC, Joe Quesada often comments on his meetings with Branagh as nothing short of spectacular and that "he genuinely gets it" via his Twitter. He said that about Jon Favreau too, and that Iron Man fella didn't do too badly.

Enclosing: Verily doth.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

And on a lighter note. Nicholas Cage is making another movie!! *rolls about on the floor holding his stomach laughing* No really - this time he plays a sorcerer *more laughing* with Tropic Thunder's Jay Barachul playing the Mickey Mouse role.

Oh and Monica Belluci is in it as an evil sorceress *laughing stops*

Empire.com reports:

Monica Bellucci has joined the cast of Jon Turtletaub's The Sorcerer's Apprentice, currently shooting in New York with Nicolas Cage as the titular magic-wielder and Jay Baruchel as his assistant.

Bellucci will play a sorceress called Veronica, the long-lost love of Cage's Balthazar Blake. Some of you may remember the last time she played a sorceress, to quite terrifying effect in The Brothers Grimm, but hopefully this time she'll play a character less fond of draining the life from young girls to keep her youthful looks.

The film, which also stars Alfred Molina, Toby Kebbell and Teresa Palmer, is due out next July.

Fallout 3 The Movie!

No not really! THE ROAD is a post apocalyptic story written by No Country for Old Men's Cormac Mcarthy and starring a wonderful list of actors including Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron, Robert Duvall and, the always excellent, Guy Pearce. Another plus comes from the fact it's directed by John Hillcoat who directed Nick Cave's The Propersition a few years back. This should certainly be one to keep your eye on.

Link to Trailer

Chasing Windmills

For anyone that has seen the terrific tragedy documentary Lost in La Mancha I expect you, like myself, will be willing the grace of the gods upon Gilliam for this one. HE'S RE ATTEMPTING THE DON QUIXOTE MOVIE!!!! No idea if Mr and Mrs Depp will be in it again or not (but I suspect so) and we'll update you as we hear more!

GILLIAM BACK IN THE SADDLE WITH “DON QUIXOTE”

Director Terry Gilliam is set to bring his long-held dream of The Man Who Killed Don Quixote to the screen, producer Jeremy Thomas announced today.

Gilliam, former Monty Python star and maverick director of Brazil, Twelve Monkeys and The Fisher King, has teamed with Thomas to bring his iconoclastic vision of Don Quixote to life. Screenwriter Tony Grisoni (Red Riding Trilogy, In This World, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas) has worked with Gilliam to re-imagine the legendary adventures of the idealistic Spanish knight. The new film will revolve around a filmmaker who is charmed into Don Quixote’s eternal quest for his ladylove, becoming an unwitting Sancho Panza.

This is the latest twist in one of the most remarkable stories in cinema history. The filming has been a saga as epic as Cervantes’ 17th-Century classic on which it is based. Nine years ago, the original shoot suffered a series of setbacks captured in the documentary Lost In La Mancha, which became a hit in its own right.

Terry Gilliam averred: “DON QUIXOTE RIDES AGAIN.”

Jeremy Thomas said: “I’m delighted to be working with friends again on this irresistible project.”

Tony Grisoni added: “There's no escaping some pacts. Nearly ten years on I find myself lending a hand to get that crazed, giggling bedlamite back in the saddle. I'm talking about Don Quixote. In spite of God and the Devil, he shall ride again!”

RPC’s CEO Peter Watson was in charge of the complicated task of reassembling the rights. “I’m thrilled we now have the ability to put this film into production.’

The Man Who Killed Don Quixote has been re-developed by Thomas’ Recorded Picture Company, and is scheduled for a Spring 2010 shoot.

Gilliam’s latest film The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus premieres in Cannes on Friday 22nd.

Recorded Picture Company’s previous films include nine-time Academy Award winner The Last Emperor, Sexy Beast, Crash, Young Adam and The Dreamers. Recent films include the upcoming Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly-starrer Creation, written by John Collee and directed by Jon Amiel.
HanWay Films is handling international sales. Upcoming titles include Scott Hicks’ The Boys Are Back starring Clive Owen, Gurinder Chadha’s comedy It’s A Wonderful Afterlife, Sam Taylor Wood’s Nowhere Boy about John Lennon’s teenage years, feelgood comedy We Want Sex starring Sally Hawkins, and thriller Harry Brown starring Michael Caine.

Ein! Zwei! Die! - A Dead Snow review

Dead Snow (or as it's known in it's native Norway, Død snø) sounds absolutely ludicrous on paper. Eight medical students embark on a skiing holiday in the Norwegian mountains to forget about the trials and tribulations of everyday life, and require a much needed break of drunken escapism and debauchery. It just so happens that they run into a group of bloodthirsty Nazi zombies and all hell breaks loose. Yes, I totally agree that sounds not too distant from any of those low budget romps that are hidden away from the general public, save for a late night showing on a sci fi channel. How wrong can you be?!! Dead Snow is a well polished corker of a zombie film, which by no means intends to take itself seriously in any shape or form.

The students are met by a strange hiker-type chap who sits with them over a few drinks and shares his stories of how a Nazi battalion occupied the very area they're in, only to be warded off by fearless locals, where the battalion fleed to the hills and supposedly froze to death in the snow. It's from here that ye olde cliches begin to appear (well someone's got to have a reason for Nazi zombies to attack, right?) and the blood begins to spill.

This is a fine example of "how to do it right". We may never, ever escape the curse of the running zombie, but we should embrace the change. After all, we evolved from apes, why can't a zombie evolve? Put that by the wayside, purist, the checklist is there for everything you want to see in a zombie movie. Gore, guts, girls (nom) and gallons of blood. What it also contains are the fine homages and nods to the geniuses that came before it, yet offering a distinct personality of it's own. The action is fast paced, the comedy is hilarious and on a par with good ole' British filthiness, yet dramatic moments are just as impactful, and some of the shots in the open scenes look absolutely stunning. The zombie effects are just as I'd imagined a frozen zombie would look like. Dead and slightly blue. Win! What's also on display are a number of unique perspectives, including something I've always wanted to see and thought would have been a cool idea many years ago, seeing through the eyes of a zombie. Oh, damn you for being so good!

Dead Snow is a film I can come back to time and time again, which means it can sit nicely amongst the Evil Dead trilogy, Braindead, and for those that appreciated it, Shaun Of The Dead as a definitive classic in the comedy horror stakes. Get your beadies fixed on it as soon as possible.

5 out of 5 frozen undeads on a stick - in 5 different varieties!

Klaatu barada nikto? The Day the Earth Stood Still Review

I'd heard mixed reviews of this modern remake on a 1951 classic. Empire magazine gave it a 3 'surprisingly decent' out of 5 mark and many described it as 'not THAT bad'. Well dear readers I offer you this - The Day the Earth Stood Still is dreadful.

Many times throughout this dreary attempt at a catastrophic disaster movie I reached for the STOP button on the DVD player but willed myself on, each time to become more and more disappointed with myself.

The story is very simple. Keanu Reeves is an alien who comes to Earth to destroy mankind (and save the planet). Jennifer Connolly is a scientist that changes his mind by showing how mankind are actually good *pukes*

Whilst the original movie was a clever B Movie with a decent message within, this remake just wants desperately to be Independence Day (and why anybody would want that is beyond me little brain). It fails on every level really and any time you think the story is picking up Jaden Smith turns up to make you throw things at the screen.

The real shame comes from wasted oiportunity. The cast is fine (even Keanu seems to play the role of the alien Klatuu well in his own unique way) but they're given so very little to do. Poor little Jaden Smith just whines throughout; Connolly (always worth watching) isn't; and John Clease is in a blink and you'll miss him role.

There is no real feel oftension as you simply don't care for any of the characters and the end doesn't really make much sense **SPOLIER** because Klaatu sacrifices himself to save the gun totting mad humans that have been trying to blow up his space ship for the last hour simply because Jennifer Connolly and Jaden Smith ummm... actually I've no idea why **END SPOILER**

Quite simply this is a very weak special effects blockbuster with Roland Emmerich aspirations. If this isn't reason enough to not watch it then how about this? The 1951 version is infinitly better in every department (including special effects).

2 'Wait for it to come on TV on a very rainy day' out of 5

Interesting Nerd Note: Spell check has no problem with 'Klaatu barada Niktu'..!

The Running Blammo

For those who love stuff like The Running Man (i.e. me) the guys behind Crank bring their latest slab of ludicrous (excuse the pun) silliness with GAMER. Starring Gerard Butler and Ludicrous it looks like the kind of trash that you may pretend not to like but secretly buy and watch every Saturday night...

Check out the trailer below:

Rumourville!

Don't know how much truth there is in this one but I received an email an hour ago stating that my all time favourite girl of the moment (oh what a wonderful sentence of contradictions), DIORA BAIRD, is in talks to feature in a new science fiction movie called The White Room (directed by Alun D Pughe and photographed by ex Vogue magazine snapper, Simon Miller). Much more on this as it comes (and of course more excuses for photographs).

Salvation is still coming...

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Alien Nation?

That's the impression you get when you watch the latest teaser trailer to be released for District 9, produced by Peter Jackson, and directed by the talent he has blurbed on about for years, Neill Blomkamp. Neill hasn't actually done anything for the big screen yet, but Jackson had him attached to the Halo movie for aeons, and look where that ended up. HELL, I TELL THEE.

District 9 then. There's been a lot of interest in this, despite having little information released, bar a few viral images spray painted on walls and signs at comic-cons pointing to either "human" or "non-human". Until recently, where the first teaser arrived for everyone to see, and the world stopped for a second to go "AHA! AWESOME! I WAS RIGHT! TO THE INTERNETS!". Pretty much what I've just done here and now. You can do the same in two minutes, after you've watched the very same teaser. Then you can head over to NBoN, to see Blomkamp's original short for this, Alive In Joburg.