You F*cked with the Wrong Mexican...

Oh this is possibly the greatest news ever! Today it was officially announced that MACHETE is going into production. Not only that but it seems this will be a reoccurring character like that of 'Charles Bronson in the Death Wish movies'.

On a slightly less awesome note Rodriguez also wishes to get the Predator movies back onto the screens. Now I adore the first movie. It's one of my favourite action flicks of all time. But after the horrible taste of Star Wars and Indiana Jones being dragged back and face raped in the process I'm more than a little concerned.

Latin Review reports:

Robert Rodriguez is ready to cut a wide swathe, and his plans include re-launching the "Predator" franchise for Fox and co-directing "Machete."

For the later, the filmmaker will create a feature out of the blade- wielding antihero who appeared in a mock trailer that was part of "Grindhouse."

Rodriguez is eyeing a June start date in Austin for "Machete," a film that is financed and produced by Overnight Productions, with Danny Trejo starring as the title character.

Machete is a Mexican ex-Federale with a gift for wielding a blade, who hides out as a day laborer, who is double-crossed by a corrupt state senator.

Rodriguez wrote the script and will direct the film with Ethan Maniquis, his longtime editor. The film is being produced by Rodriguez, Rick Schwartz of Overnight Productions and Aaron Kaufman.

Not immediately clear is whether Rodriguez and Overnight will find a way to use the irresistible marketing slogan that appeared in the "Grindhouse" trailer: "This time, they fucked with the wrong Mexican." It is the first non-studio movie that Rodriguez has directed since "El Mariachi."

For Fox, Rodriguez has scripted "Predators," a film that will bring back the dreadlock-sporting alien hunter who originated in the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger hit "Predator." While a sequel didn't become a hit, Fox kept the alien sharp by launching the "Alien Vs. Predator," a wildly profitable series that has racked up strong grosses and DVD sales, wit little or no gross out the door.

While Rodriguez juggles these projects, he's also directing his script "Nerveracker" for Dimension Films, with Bob Weinstein setting a 2010 release for the futuristic action thriller.

Campaign: Scully To Remove Foul Taste of EmoWho

So, that crazy Doctor Who, eh? Regenerating every now and then, changing appearance to prolong his life. Or in business terms, "We've chosen an actor that really isn't going to sit well with you at all. Break the internet!" The actor in question is the man stepping into David Tennant's slippers and his name is Matt Smith. Yet this is old news, we're familiar with his emo looks by now and we still hate it. So why's Gillian Anderson up there? Not only does Blammo intend to propose to her (for a spot of coffee, stupid), but she's rumoured to appear in Smith's first season, thanks to the words of The Telegraph.

Anderson has been linked to play The Rani, a "Time Lady" who is an enemy to both The Doctor and The Master. She is essentially, an evil scientist, concentrating on experiments and research instead of focusing on masterplans to thwart her arch nemesises. In the original Who, The Rani was played by 357 year old actress, Kate O'Mara, and if anything needs to change with this proposed update, it's the camp attitude that she had. Cue Gillian. I believe she could make a lasting impression to the franchise, because:

A) She's rather hawt.
B) She hasn't been on a true nerd show for ages.
C) The age gap between us is really small.

This would then lead to a Rani/Master confrontation that has to be so much better than this. Oh god, Colin Baker...

R.I.P. Cardiff

Jack Cardiff, the world's greatest ever cinematographer died today at age 94.

Here's a selection of the seventy three movies he shot over his extremely successful career:

• Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) (director of photography)
• Conan the Destroyer (1984)
• The Girl on a Motorcycle (1968)
• The Vikings (1958) (photographed by)
• The Barefoot Contessa (1954) (photography by)
• The African Queen (1951) (director of photography)
• The Red Shoes (1948) (director of photography)
• Black Narcissus (1947) (photographed by)
• A Matter of Life and Death (1946) (photographed by)

Let the Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in)

Back in October last year millions of people flocked to their cinemas to see a love story between a vampire and a teenager that went on, despite terrible reviews, to be one of the most successful films of the year. Let the Right One In was not that film.

LtROI (or 'Lat den Ratte Komma In' for those with a better grasp on Swedish than I) is a foreign language film telling the story of a shy outcast School boy and what seems to be a mysterious girl that has moved in next door. Shot in stunning widescreen, snowy, night time it is a consistently slow but moving movie about loneliness, friendship and addiction and though shadowed by Hollywood's monster hit, Twilight, pisses all over it from a great height.

The direction of Tomas Alfredson is simply magnificent and his two young actors' performances are assured and subtle. The story is interestingly told from the young boy, Oskar's, point of view and because of this the world is seen as a very black and white place. Bullies are evil. Eli's victims are fools and losers. Oskar's Mother is a baddie whilst his Father is a goodie. Then, when it seems the reason for his parent's estrangement is due to a suggested homosexual reason on the father's part, their roles reverse. All this leads to the dream like feeling of a fairy tale (complete with the magical falling snow) chronicling Oskar's metamorphosis from scared child to self confident young man.

The story of Eli, the strange girl that lives next door, is also told in a wonderfully enigmatic way. Many questions about her and the people she comes into contact with are kept as secrets. If Oskar wouldn't have known then we as an audience won't know either.

Finally the technical details too are well worth mentioning: The cinematography is breath taking (I'm delighted to have had the opportunity to have caught one of the limited cinema screenings in the UK) and both the use of special fx and music are bordering on perfect.

Quite simply this is the a film that happily sits up there with Pan's Labyrinth s an adult's fairy tale and once again shows mainstream Hollywood how well a simple story can be told. Watch this film before the Michael Bay produced remake (the rights have already been bought) adds a sexual element, a few explosions and a chase scene featuring a six wheeler lorry jack knifing.

5 'would you still like me if you learnt I wasn't a little girl' out of 5

Husband to a murdered ummm... Maid?

USA Today just posted this pic of Russell Crowe as Robin Hood in the new Ridley Scott adaptation. Now I absolutely love the Robin Hood stories and pretty much remember the Errol Flynn Adventures of Robin Hood as one of the non science fiction films that blew my mind as a child (though I believe the Robin of Sherwood television series to be the definitive tale of the legend).

However I'm really rather lost to what this version of the story is going to be like. First I heard Crowe was playing the Sherriff (back when it was called Nottingham) and told his side of the tale (a good man doing a rough job in troubled times) as he and (a rumoured) Christian Bale battle for the love of Maid Marion. Then we were told that that this story is about how the Sheriff makes up the character of Robin Hood as a criminal to unite the people and then has to make him real as the commoners choose to champion him (so Crowe plays both parts). And finally we hear that, no, we're just going to have the good ol, standard tale again.

Hopefully an early trailer won't be far away to let us know where this is going.

Doghouse!

I'd heard of Doghouse through one piece of concept art, which I was under the impression was going to be a comic book series, yet here it is a few months on, trailer in the bag and practically ready for release!

Brought to you by Brit director, Jake West, who brought us Evil Aliens (in my eyes, a very under rated movie!), this has a good ensemble of cast members including Danny Dyer and Noel Clarke, who haven't done pretty badly in their careers. It also has Emily Booth, but I've been told to harbour those thoughts for a private time in a bathroom, lit only by candlelight and Albatross by Fleetwood Mac playing in the background.

The story is about six men who go on a little excursion from every day lives to help their friend who's emotionally stressed from his recent divorce. They hit the country and stumble upon a village where all the local women have been infected with a Ladies Only Virus that warp them into savage bloodthirsty predators. Predators that only attack men. Hoooo boy! Let's have a trailer!




More information can be found on the official Doghouse site.

A Nightmare sees a pretty butterfly

I've been turning my nose up at the proposed "re-imagining" of A Nightmare On Elm Street for a while now, thanks to my purist ways and my elitist gold card membership in the Church of Krueger. But this piece of news has actually promised a glint of hope with this new take, and now I can actually see this working.

Cast as Freddy Krueger is the man that put in a stellar performance as Rorschach in Watchmen, and his name is Jackie Earle Haley. Consider this probably the most perfect casting choice of anything in a long, long time. You need someone who can portray creepy and mysterious, yet relies on mindgames to lure his prey, and if all accounts of Little Children are to go by, he was meant to do that extremely well. If anyone's seen that film, please feel free to tell me how awesome it is. His Rorschach portrayal is what made Watchmen for me, and that's enough to say the blade glove is worthy to be handled by Haley. How many wagers shall we make for an Englund cameo though?

On the subject of Freddy, check out this recent fan-made trailer that surfaced last week, showing how Krueger could look in these modern times.

Collossus: The Movie

Well seems that Sony are about to have one of their most wonderful games raped into a movie - aren't we lucky! Strange choice this one though. Peter Jackson's Halo you can understand (and I still think could have been a good film), same goes for Tomb Raider reboots (okay I'm probably just an old perve) but Shadow of the Colossus? It's not like the kids on the street will flock to see a film version of the masterpiece of a game. Here's the original report from Variety magazine:

Sony will adapt the popular PlayStation 2 title "Shadow of the Colossus" into a bigscreen actioner, with Justin Marks penning the screenplay and Kevin Misher in negotiations to produce.

"Colossus," which bowed exclusively on the PlayStation 2 in 2005, revolves around a man named Wander who must travel across a cursed wasteland and defeat 16 creatures, known as the colossi, in order to restore the life of a girl.

Project, which proved a big seller for PlayStation and was produced internally by Sony Computer Entertainment, will build upon the vidgame's fantasy setting of a solitary world with few characters other than the 16 enemies.

"Colossus" is the latest high-profile project for Marks, who is writing the redo of "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea: Captain Nemo" at Disney, with McG attached to direct. He recently landed "Suicide Squad," based on the DC Comics book, at Warner Bros., for which he's also written "Green Arrow: Escape From Supermax," also based on the DC character, and "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe."

He's also adapted "Hack/Slash" for Relativity, based on the Devil's Due comicbook, and the '80s TV toon "Voltron: Defender of the Universe," for Mark Gordon Prods.

Misher will produce through his Misher Films shingle.

His pic "Fighting" bows this month through Rogue, and "Public Enemies" goes out this summer through Universal. Misher has a number of projects in development at Paramount, including the romantic comedy "Swingles" and "One Free Murder," which Marks wrote based on an idea by Nicholas Pileggi. Variety.com

The Haunting In Connecticut

This is based on a true story, although it's positive part (near enough all) of the truth has been exaggerated somewhat for the sake of shitting you up even more. Although saying that, THIC can lay claim to being a damn sight better than the remake of The Amityville Horror a few years back.

So, a teen, Matt, is diagnosed with cancer and has to be driven by his mother from state to state in order to receive intensive experimental treatment. It's decided that in order to make life simple for the family, they'd have to move closer to the hospital. Hark then as we discover that they've conveniently moved to the location of the movie, Connecticut!

It's from there on, that strange things start happening within the house, things that only Matt can see. Things that his family believe they're hallucinogenic side effects from the medication. I mean, wouldn't it just be totally unlucky if that it was discovered that the house was an old funeral home, and even unluckier that within the home itself, seances were held and cultist rituals were performed? Really that would be reeeeal unfortunate. Oh dear.

Sadly, instead of offering anything new, it truly is a paint-by-numbers haunted house movie. You know something's going to pop up onscreen, in an effort to make you shit your pants. Although, not ALL the time, something will catch you off guard, which throws predictability towards a window, and leaves it hanging off a splintered wood. The pace of the movie is quite fast too, in terms of events happening. In terms of dialogue, it's yawnsome. Rushed, and not polished. Some of the effects are gruesome, whilst others appear dated. At one point, I had to remember I wasn't watching Spawn again. I guess the less said about actual performances, the better, the floorboards of the house were more likely to win an award for Best Supporting Role.

I feel it's about time someone made a refreshing look at a haunted house movie, as THIC threatens to be the final nail in the coffin until someone else decides Amityville needs a modern twist. THIC is a film you've seen before time and time again, and not one you'll hurry back too either. Oh god, with that RIDICULOUS ending? Say no more.

2 points very loosely based on a true story, which was actually the account of one woman and had nothing to do with cancer out of 5

JCVD pulls no punches

Men in their thirties are too old to watch martial arts films, states the central villain to his star struck lackey when, whilst holding up a Post Office in Brussels, they discover Jean Claude Van Damme to be one of their hostages. I wonder if men in their thirties are also too old to weep over a film that's premise sounds like a stupid joke but turns out to be both a moving post modern confession from the titular star and a Tarantino styled dark comedy/ bank caper

Okay let's quickly get the premise out of the way: Van Damme, sick of being offered nothing but shitty film roles and shattered from the court's injunction from seeing his daughter, returns to Brussells (the place of his birth) to start again away from the Hollywood rot. After arriving he pulls into a Post Office to cash a cheque but moments later shots are fired leaving the local police to decide why a super star has held up the local business.

What surprises first is that JCVD is neither a farce nor an action movie. It's a dark comedy and a drama. In fact it's more Dog Day Afternoon than Bloodsport. The second, and by far largest, surprise is what a terrific performance Van Damme himself gives. It goes without saying that this is his personal best performance of all time but it's better than that too. This is a great performance by any actor's standard. Times magazine actually gave him the credit for 'second best performance of 2008' (above Mickey Rourke but behind Heath Ledger) and it's good enough to make you wish that all his films were shown through the medium of French.

The performance is actually so good it's easy to forget the genius of this film is in the writing and direction from Mabrouk El Mechri. From the opening shot (a lengthy single shot showing Van Damme in a fictional action movie) you know you're in for something special and between director and star that's exactly what you get.

However JCVD isn't perfect. There is a lull in the second act where you wish they'd just get on with it but it's a minor quibble. JCVD is a genuinely excellent film and should be enjoyed thoroughly by those who don't really care for the star but adored by those with a special place for him in their hearts.

5 Flying Spin Kicks out of 5

Doctor Who Meets Bionic Woman

You knew that already. What you probably didn't know was that the trailer for the first of the final Tennant specials, Planet Of The Dead, has been released. I didn't, and here it is for your Gallifreyan fix!

Weapon X is free!

With the title of this post, I mean it's not in a pivotal plot reveal sense. Today, X-Men Origins: Wolverine found it's way onto the evil "internet", making the film readily available to anyone who loves a good torrent. Despite it being a workprint version, meaning that it is an early cut that contains a lot of unfinished FX settings, missing footage and narratives, Fox aren't going to be happy pappies about their big summer blockbuster being released a month early for free by some "leak-king". I also know that this next month is going to result in me skipping a majority of websites as by now, a million spoilers would have appeared and they will all scream in unison:

"WHAAAAA DEADPOOL FUKING SUKED!!!!!11111"